i can't help but hope that, when i die, im transported back to my old kitchen table, hearing my parents laugh at my brother's jokes as we enjoy a classic dinner: warm mac n' cheese with green beans and a pot roast. i can't help but hope i'm trapped in the moment where school announces a snow day on a friday, and i'm outside with my best friend laying in soft walls of powder while thick, fluffy flakes fall to the ground, almost silently. i hope i'll see my neighborhood friends on my lawn, and we'll sit and watch the summer sunset as we catch our breath like we always used to do. i can't help but hope that, when i die, i'm given another chance, and i don't lose sight of my dreams.

- m.j.m

my scattered stars

I'm...stuck in a dream. The hands brushing my face...I've known them across lifetimes. The face unforgettable, though I can't remember it. I knew you when we were lifeless - simple souls intertwined, inseparable. When were we torn apart? When was it that you promised we would see each other again? When will we be reunited? Am I supposed to spend my whole life wanting to find you? What tore us apart?

This amnesia...do you have it too? Are you somewhere knowing that I exist, waiting to find me? Wanting to see my face again, but not knowing what it looks like? Do you feel me in those lonely corners of the night, when the moon is tucked away but somehow casting light?

It's as if I am a universe and you are the stars scattered within me.

I will love you forever, even if I cannot remember where you are.
I know I will find you again because I am but a lonely universe and you the glowing stars. 

- m.j.m

"Is this it? The world we wished for?"
"..."

"There's no running from it, is there?"

"Why is it that the ones who sow destruction always claim that it's in the interest of peace?"

"I...I can't conform to that."

"Nor should you."

"I'm glad at least you understand. Thank you."

the next time i see you
you better pray
that your blood
won't be in my eyes.

memories

 Shoulders slumped, his head dropped.

"Why? Why do I feel this way?"

"What do you mean?"

"Hah. Hah...To you, I'll sound crazy..."

"Let's see."

"This feeling inside of me. It...I don't know. It's like I want to tear the world apart."

- - -

"Can we at least know, what experiment she will be benefitting?"

A finger points to thinly scrawled text, in bright red across a manilla folder. "EXPERIMENTATION DETAILS CLASSIFIED."

Heaviness coats their shoulders.

"I'm sorry," the lab coat says, though it doesn't seem genuine. Just part of their routine. 

"I really am," they reassure. Try to, anyways.

- - -

"I...know what you mean." pause. "You're angry."

"Angry?"

"Yeah. With the way things are."

Pause.

"Let me ask you. Are you happy with how this world turned out to be?"

"Definitely not."

She smiled. 

"That's what I mean. We build these expectations: how people should treat others, what life should be. There's a high probability that you weren't taught of the horrible ways this life can play out."

There's a flash. The lab, the blood, the whole world becoming blurry. His fists tighten.

"I never wanted any of this."

"I know."

"I don't..."

...

"I don't want anyone else to go through this."

"So you'd rather destroy it all."

"Yeah...I'd rather destroy it all."

She wraps him tight, his arms outwardly stretched in shock before accepting it. Ears turned downward, his hands silently fall onto her.

"But what about moments like this? The moments that show you that it's not all bad. That there is still some good left."

"How much of it is good?"

"Can you really measure it?"

Pause.

"Life is a gamble in that way. We're not guaranteed good life, or a bad one respectively. All we can do is control what we can control."

"So, how do you control it then?"

"By doing this." She squeezes tighter. "Creating a good memory to outweigh the bad ones."

shoulders slumped,
dress slips off your shoulders
and falls down to the floor.

it would've been okay,
but
I'm not there anymore.

- m.j.m

Spring in Pittsburgh,
Ontario by Novo Amor,
hiking boots on
the silent, greeting comfort of

my townhome

and a balcony full

of plants to greet me.

A warm, healthy meal,
a warm, cleansing shower.

Pennsylvania is home.

Somewhere in this world,
I will find you and I will love you
more than anyone has ever loved you.
I will wash away any worry you've ever had
I will complete the empty spaces in your soul.
I will find you and,
when I do,
I will love you. 

- m.j.m