downward spiral

drive home from

jersey

way too fast

and the guard rail

looks different,

looks flirtatious.

i wont let you guide

my life into chaos

anymore. 

it's me vs the world

and i wish it wasnt

- m.j.m

city lights 
in sweet december
honey, there's something in your eyes
something like a smile

- m.j.m

Delaware water gap conversations
oh how you have me spun around
there's a hole in my heart, I'm going under
at this point just leave me to drown 

the sky is alive and i'm on fire
this blanket of reciprocation
oh it's one i'll never come to know.

- m.j.m

heat

Hope has lit a fire in me
stretching horizons that can't be seen
hope, oh it's a fool's game
hope you don't let me down 
goin' insane

i need love
your love
i need love 
your love 
but it's not enough 

i need love
your love
i need love 
your love 
but it's not enough 

i need heat,
heat
from you
from me

i need heat,
heat
so heavy it's hard to breathe
give it to me
i need heat

spectrums of color
through rose tinted glasses 
ignore the masses
what'cha doin' to me? 

the sky is alive
sick with desire
stuck like barbed wire
imprisoned but free

brain cell stimulation
some kind of simulation
how does it 
ever get better than this?

reincarnation, eternal salvation
you don't believe but you better start
entire universes, its only been hours
and I can't stand to see us apart

- m.j.m

you told me you loved me once
and that was enough

- m.j.m

Pop

sometimes all it takes
is thought of you calling me "kiddo"
and hearing a blues song
on thanksgiving morning
to bring tears washing over me
realizing you're not here,
that I miss you, your voice. 

- m.j.m

 and now I find the depths of me twisted and turned into a sickness that words fail to explain

- m.j.m

your name, written on the veins of flower petals,
your breath catches in the clouds, left to soar
until an exacerbated sigh grows heavy into tears, 
that fall down to the earth below.

the ground absorbs all that you are,
and we lay there beneath a blue ocean above
chests fluttering in sync, at the prospect
of melting together into the world. 

- m.j.m

"Wait!" I yell, close enough to grab an arm of his jacket. 

He turns and the sharp eyes soften. 

"How-"

"Shh." 

His hands grip my face, a tear left to transfer onto my cheek, growing cold before receiving the heat from others. Are they his or mine? They're mixed. 

"I love you, I love you more than anything in this world," I say. 

"I thought you'd never find me, I'd never find you," he says. 

"I promised I would always search for you. You promised the same." 

"You found me."

"I always will, in every lifetime, in every universe." 

"You..love me," he says.

"More than anything." 

"You are everything," he says, scanning my eyes. "I just have to see you to know. I just know."

- m.j.m

Home

Snow flakes drift down in a silent dance, some choosing your hair as a resting place. Haven't we been here before? No, we never got to see the snow fall.

You leave me with tears left to catch the chilled notes of frost. But my hands warm on your cheeks as our eyes transfix. Yours were a home I never quite understood. 

We were meant to be here, softly sitting in the peaceful nights with the world asleep.

But the sweetness fades, gives way to pestilence. Your poison cloud is out on full display. The anger in your voice cuts the quiet, melts the snow to give way to the asphalt.

You wrap your arms around me. But all I feel is a lie. I close my eyes, and when they reopen, I accept the hug, because it's not coming from you: it's coming from me. And I notice the snow again, and those fluffy flakes falling. 

And then, a long sigh escapes me, and I hope we can stay here a little longer, within the dream.

- m.j.m 

oh how peaceful it must be
hanging from the trees
swaying in the breeze

-m.j.m

you used empty promises
to rope me in, to hang me from the trees.

so I grieve the ghost,
of the man I thought I knew

 - m.j.m

faceless

one day you'll stop calling about small things
as an excuse to hear my voice.
you'll start to unsave our pictures,
the ones we sent because we couldnt stand to be apart.
you'll still keep our early convos,
full of plans and promises,
until one morning they're suddenly gone.
but we'll continue to text every now and then
checking in to see how each other are doing
but i won't have a contact picture,
the one that made you smile anytime i called.
I'll be faceless, just a name texting you, until you don't think
to check in anymore.

one day a girl wearing a yellow sundress
with long brunette hair and dark brown eyes
will hear your voice
and send you pictures
and tell you her plans and promises.
you'll text her about your day
and your heart will flutter anytime you see her name pop up in your notifications,
anytime you see her contact picture. 

and I will be nameless,
a chapter you can't seem to recall. 

- m.j.m

a bed of flowers
a crown of thorns
blood, a trickling stream
reminiscent of rose petals

the last dream,
with scents so sweet
to anyone else it'd be serene

oh, to anyone else, it'd be so serene

- m.j.m

ashen rain

some sort of soot
try to blink it away
trapped by the eye's moisture

the earth is coated in 
specks of gray
like ashen rain

- m.j.m

you decided long ago
to leave this all behind.
i judged you harshly at first, i did,

but now, oh now i understand.

my knuckles have cracks

my knees are dirtied

my heart a paper weight

our minds are so fragile, aren't they?

we're all one tragedy from insanity.

- m.j.m

friend,

have you ever been there,

at the end of the rope,

with tension gripping your skin

wondering what way out,

what way out there was,

for the convict who seemingly had it all? 

"life isn't clean, it isn't clear cut."

I know, I respond, but that rope

it brushes, frayed against my skin.

friend,

you blink tears away

each one containing a memory

of the person you used to be.

you mourn, for you lost them

long, long ago. what a shame.

the air is still, warm, calm.

in any other reality, it'd be a good day

but the rope is pulling tight,

coarse and frayed. 

in any other reality, it'd be a good day.

what would it have been like,

to have one last good day?

- m.j.m

Then again

Every time I see my shadow,
I imagine it's you beside me.
I see you in every corner,
feel you in every breeze.

You should've been here,
You should be here.

 
How can I keep going
when I want to be where you are?

Your phantom kisses me
but I can't feel it. 

All I want is one last time, but then again,
one last time is never enough.

When I kiss you, 
I feel nothing,
a void once filled
by temporary promises
but betrayal is a poison
that seeps over time,
weeps when it gathers.


I thought you the solution
to problems that have
nothing to do with you.
And yet even in that vacancy,
you betrayed me. 

You come to me with 
hands full of longing,
but mine have been empty
for longer than you've ever seemed to notice.

- m.j.m